There is nothing like a wedding to bring out strong emotions, and for many the matter of the wedding gift list can be the more frustrating things.
As a Couple
1. Getting duplicates of things – nobody really needs two toasters or several identical sets of brandy glasses, and finding space to keep all your gifts can be a thankless task for a couple who have just returned from their honeymoon.
2. You really just want loads of booze and takeaways, but you can’t really ask for that – the things that people actually want are often not really wedding gift material, so trying to come up with a list of things that you want other people to buy you can be tricky.
3. Feeling grabby and worrying about offending people – there is no other occasion where you would present your friends and family with a list of things that you want them to buy you, and compiling a wedding gift list can leave you feeling as though you are being presumptuous and grasping
4. Not wanting a gift list but guests insisting on one – even if you genuinely don’t want anything, there are always some guests who can’t bear the idea of turning up to a wedding empty-handed and simply insist that you produce a list from which they can choose a gift.
5. Not getting what you really want – finding a gift that you and your intended will genuinely enjoy can be a difficult job, especially if you would rather spend a day rock climbing, canoeing or enjoying a spa day than cooking up the kind of feast that requires the use of traditional gifts such as a soup tureen and matching gravy boat.
6. Spending your time dealing with the gift list – if you have a list with a department store which manages the details of who has bought what then you might find that you have to monitor things a lot more closely than you would like, handling exchanges, substitutions and all other queries.
7. Feeling as though your taste is being judged – you might want a set of shot glasses and a cocktail shaker, but what will your great aunt think of such profligacy when she sees your gift list? You might not want everyone to know how you intend to furnish your house and end up compromising to keep things easy.
8. Writing thank-you cards – with great gifts come great responsibility, so no sooner have you retuned from the romantic whirlwind of your honeymoon, you then have to sit down and compose your thank you cards before you can relax and enjoy married life.
Receiving gifts should be a joy, so if you are finding it all a bit stressful then focus on what’s important. You can always as for experiences instead of tangible gifts or consumables such as wine or chocolates so that you won’t have to move house to fit all your gifts in, and you might end up with some really great surprises.
As a wedding guest
1. Additional wedding expense – once you have got your travel and accommodation sorted, you may feel as though you are shelling out as much as the happy couple themselves on attending the wedding. Adding a gift to the bill can make it all seem like an exercise in overspending.
2. Hard to choose something – finding a gift that you can actually imagine the couple enjoying can seem like an impossible task.
3. Not knowing the couple equally well – Wanting to get something special for both members of the couple, even if you only know one of them, can make wedding gift shopping really frustrating. A present which contains an element of choice is perfect, but they are few and far between.
4. Never actually seeing your gift – sometimes gifts from lists don’t even make it to reception as they are delivered directly to the bride and groom after their return from their honeymoon, so you never even see what you have bought which can make it seem very impersonal.
5. Worrying that you are picking your ideal gift – sometimes you see something which you think would be perfect for someone, before realising that actually it’s something you want yourself. Second guessing the couple’s tastes and trying to find something that they would like isn’t easy, especially if they haven’t provided a gift list.
6. Losing all sense of perspective – after browsing the internet or trudging round the shops, it can seem as though there is no wedding gift out there for the happy couple and that you have no idea what they like at all. Your stress levels rise and you begin to question everything you thought you knew about gift giving and personal taste.
7. Leaving it too late – even with a gift list, if you don’t get in there quickly enough, you might be left with gifts which are either very boring or really expensive, particularly if you are on a limited budget.
8. Panic-buying – choosing a gift because you are worried you will turn up with nothing is no way to select a wedding present for a friend or family member. Going to wrap up your gift and realising that you have chosen something really ugly, inappropriate or just odd is a nightmare.
Buying a wedding gift shouldn’t cause such stress, so if you are finding it hard then it’s time to focus on what is important.
Decide on your budget, think about the couple and choose something that you think they will like, or even something which will give them a choice to relieve the pressure on you.